Untitled photo

just be

I’m sitting on a rock, watching the little stream, losing myself in the patterns the early morning sun paints onto the rippled surface.

I’m listening to the birds. I sit still, so they come really close; their antics are delightful. I feel a tickle on my bare arm – an ant. I watch it. It slowly continues down my arm and vanishes in the grass.

There has been some rain during the night, so the ground is still wet. I can feel the wet through my pants, but I don’t care. It will be a hot day, but for now, I enjoy the cool of the morning. I could sit here forever, become one with the water and the rock and the grass and the trees and the birds.

I am quiet; the thoughts come and go, and I’m open and vulnerable to all the emotions. I let them in, and some seem strange. I have no name for them. They are good and sad, and confusing, and embarrassing at the same time, and I can’t help but trying to understand. I want to study them, to analyze them, to dissect them.

And then there is nature, and as I sit there and sink into the space around me, I want to be like it. It just is. No judgement, no questioning, no doubts. Being part of nature, can’t I just accept my feelings for what they are - without giving them a name? No analysis, no decision. There is no wrong or right with emotions. No suppressing, no regretting.

I listen to the sounds surrounding me and I realize that I need to listen to the voice inside me with the same curiosity and care and kindness. I need to savor the good in these feelings, not letting doubt and fear eat away at them. I need to live in the moment, nurturing the spark, cherishing it as the lonely flame it might be. Conscious and aware – and grateful

I sit until the sun is high up and the cool air has turned into a warm breeze. Soon it will be hot. The birds are taking dips in the water, and a lizard bathes in the sun. I still watch, and I still listen, and I still don't know if I am happy or sad or maybe something totally different.

  • Philip Rogers

    on October 31, 2021

    Dear Astrid
    I have just read your website from cover to cover. It is so beautifully personal and intimate and demonstrates wonderfully well your p!+$%ion and how it is growing at tremendous pace.
    Thank you so much for letting us into your world. You are helping to enrich all of us who come across your work.

  • Diane Rooney

    on July 11, 2021

    Astrid, thanks so much for this wonderful post. And the close-up photo is fabulous!

  • Cheryl Gaston

    on July 11, 2021

    I always knew you are a poet!

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